Day 3

Okay, so, admittedly, yesterday was incredibly challenging. I couldn’t even tell you why.

I was running around the house eating things (Whole 30 compliant things) to try and satisfy “something” but nothing was working.Then I stopped and asked myself, “Are you hungry?” The answer, “not at all.” So, I’ve discovered this about myself, that I look to food and/or booze to satisfy “something”, but I am not too sure what that “something” is?

Work has been incredibly stressful and VERY busy for a myriad of reasons. When I came home I craved my bathtub, some netflix and a large glass of a bold red. My reality: up to my eye balls in lean, ground turkey breast. What do I do with it? Now, I am a great cook. I can think of a million things to do with lean turkey breast NONE of which are whole30 compliant. So I began, doing what I always do and building from the protein up. Lean, ground turkey, onion, garlic, chopped up cauliflower for some bulk, cause I can’t even use quinoa, and lots of Mexican spices: Cumin, Coriander, Paprika, S & P and bam…I had a mixture of Whole30 complaint ingredients…now I need a vessel for this skinny turkey goodness….peppers….roasted….side dish? Let’s add some roasted Acorn squash…bam. Dinner. I always make enough for our lunches too, which makes eating healthy and not in restaurants super, super easy.

My go-to breakfast has been eggs, Frank’s and grapefruit. Lunches are leftovers and an apple or veggies and guacamole or nuts.

My goals for next week? PLAN PLAN PLAN PLAN PLAN PLAN PLAN PLAN.

I have our food map planned out until next Friday (25th). “High five, Ashley.” “Thank you, Ashley.”

On, on.

30, Whole 30

On Friday I turned 30. Whoa. 30.

As many of you know, I have made several attempts to lose weight and all have been unsuccessful. “But it’s easy, Ash! Keep your mouth closed, put the fork down, get in the gym and stop whining about it!”

You’re totally right! But, I have a couple of hormonal issues that also factor into the reason why I’ve let myself get to this point. I am not making excuses, I am stating fact.

We eat pretty healthy. I know what’s good for me and what is bad and I am a wicked cook. I know when something has too much butter and I am pretty good at creatively coming up with the solutions to cut bad things out of foods I love. I am not a sweets person. I don’t like pie, I can turn down cake, cookies and donuts with ease.

…. I am also really good at drinking wine and I have a penchant for French fries. I make poor food choices and I am paying for the consequences.

My knees hurt, I come home from my desk job fatigued, my skin tone is dull and my nose if full of blackheads, I am very overweight, I have digestive issues and I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I don’t look in the mirror, I keep my head down in unfamiliar crowds and my friends don’t call me to do active things (and I don’t blame them).

Lately I’ve found myself saying things like, “when I get healthy then I will be able to…” and the list is anything, hiking, riding horses, running, swimming, skiing. All things I used to do “before” avidly and don’t anymore because of my weight. I shy away from group activities like zip lining and mountain biking because I am afraid that I will be weighed first and it makes me nervous.  We went to a friend’s wedding last year and I was very self-conscious showing any skin – we were on vacation! I should’ve been enjoying myself but I didn’t because of my size. I went to the spa the other day with my friend and the spa tech said, “I would go get you robes.” Except she only returned with one robe, for me, because I guess, she thought, the stacks of one-size-fits-all robes wouldn’t fit me (they do! The one she brought me was like a circus tent).

I’ve done the Atkins diet, the Paleo diet, low-carb, South Beach, I’ve done all of them! But they don’t work because none of them are a lifestyle change, I even stopped eating meat for a whole month! Nothing. Has. Changed.

So, at 30 years old, I am finally taking my life back (as I write this, I am doubting myself). I am asking that friends and family help keep me accountable as I have made the commitment to the Whole30 program in an effort to wipe the slate clean and change my relationship with food. No alcohol, no sugar, no artificial sweeteners, no preservatives, no processed ingredients, no wheat, no legumes, no dairy. For the next 30 days, I will, creatively, come up with delicious recipes that contain only fruits, vegetables and lean meats and seafood while upping my water intake significantly (I already drink quite a bit of water).

“But, Ash. What happens after 30 days?” I know. And the answer is: I don’t know. The premise behind the program is to eliminate the problematic food groups and remain conscious of the positive changes in the body. At the end of 30 days, I will reintroduce these foods into my diet and see where the digestive issues occur. This will help me shape the lifestyle health plan tailored to my body, so it will be sustainable. I am hoping the changes will be profound.

“What about exercise?” Yeah. I know that too. Part of looking at my health includes scheduling time for the gym and getting outside more.

I will be posting on my Instagram account @klaasseafit and blogging, thepacificpoet.wordpress.com

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Here we go.

Listing Woes

In the midst of prepping our condo for sale, I’ve come to find a profound appreciation for people who live in the same house for the rest of their wordily lives. I feel like listing should be exciting – impending newness, growth, change. How about – stress, work (oh, SOOOO much work) and a bit of sadness?

The condo was the first purchase Jordan and I made together. It symbolizes our commitment to each other and to our future together. It’s been the place of laughter, tears and shelter from the, sometimes, cruel world. We’ve entertained old friends, new friends and family here. We’ve had dance parties, sing-offs, girl’s night, game night and a party for every major sporting event you can think of. I’ve cooked thousands of meals in this stove and I’ve taken thousands of bubble baths in this tub.

We’ve grown here. I’ve gone back to school. Earned my degree and joined the work force. It’s been the place that Jordan comes home to after a long day at work and during the summer, when we are apart for 4 months, it’s been the place of midnight phone calls and where ‘being strong’ sometimes meant that you fall apart only after you’ve hung-up.

We’ve taken pride in our home. I’ve picked all the paint colours and we put it up on the walls (admittedly, sometimes twice). We’ve installed wainscotting, back-splashes and lighting fixtures and we’ve decorated as best as we could on a student budget. Our first couches were donated to us – one was brown leather and a really weird shape and had paint on it. The other was plaid, with ripped seams and always needed a couch cover. We ‘upgraded’ to free black leather couches from different sets – the one I am sitting on right now, Jordan had to rip the guts out of it and start from scratch.

It’s been home to our Berkley and our incredibly emotional house cat (he has a lot of feelings).

And all this can be yours for a little under $200,000!

Everything we’re doing now, all our effort, is for someone else. I hope they like clean window tracks – they might check there?

They won’t know that when the old dishwasher ran, it sounded like it was grinding rocks. They won’t know that the old washing machine overflowed two days before we were leaving on vacation and sparked a very panicked clean up. They won’t know that the kitchen used to be blood-red and that it took about 8 attempts at bringing green paint home to know that there are about 40 shades of green.

So, as I mud over the nail holes that once hung our wedding pictures, because I’ve been told that you should remove all traces of yourself for sale, I am a little sad.

As we hurriedly bundle up the cat, the dog and their respective litter boxes and kennels to get out of the house for a showing, so you can walk into our home and try and get a ‘feeling’ for this space, I hope you see it for what it is – a home, full of a lot of love.