On Friday I turned 30. Whoa. 30.
As many of you know, I have made several attempts to lose weight and all have been unsuccessful. “But it’s easy, Ash! Keep your mouth closed, put the fork down, get in the gym and stop whining about it!”
You’re totally right! But, I have a couple of hormonal issues that also factor into the reason why I’ve let myself get to this point. I am not making excuses, I am stating fact.
We eat pretty healthy. I know what’s good for me and what is bad and I am a wicked cook. I know when something has too much butter and I am pretty good at creatively coming up with the solutions to cut bad things out of foods I love. I am not a sweets person. I don’t like pie, I can turn down cake, cookies and donuts with ease.
…. I am also really good at drinking wine and I have a penchant for French fries. I make poor food choices and I am paying for the consequences.
My knees hurt, I come home from my desk job fatigued, my skin tone is dull and my nose if full of blackheads, I am very overweight, I have digestive issues and I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I don’t look in the mirror, I keep my head down in unfamiliar crowds and my friends don’t call me to do active things (and I don’t blame them).
Lately I’ve found myself saying things like, “when I get healthy then I will be able to…” and the list is anything, hiking, riding horses, running, swimming, skiing. All things I used to do “before” avidly and don’t anymore because of my weight. I shy away from group activities like zip lining and mountain biking because I am afraid that I will be weighed first and it makes me nervous. We went to a friend’s wedding last year and I was very self-conscious showing any skin – we were on vacation! I should’ve been enjoying myself but I didn’t because of my size. I went to the spa the other day with my friend and the spa tech said, “I would go get you robes.” Except she only returned with one robe, for me, because I guess, she thought, the stacks of one-size-fits-all robes wouldn’t fit me (they do! The one she brought me was like a circus tent).
I’ve done the Atkins diet, the Paleo diet, low-carb, South Beach, I’ve done all of them! But they don’t work because none of them are a lifestyle change, I even stopped eating meat for a whole month! Nothing. Has. Changed.
So, at 30 years old, I am finally taking my life back (as I write this, I am doubting myself). I am asking that friends and family help keep me accountable as I have made the commitment to the Whole30 program in an effort to wipe the slate clean and change my relationship with food. No alcohol, no sugar, no artificial sweeteners, no preservatives, no processed ingredients, no wheat, no legumes, no dairy. For the next 30 days, I will, creatively, come up with delicious recipes that contain only fruits, vegetables and lean meats and seafood while upping my water intake significantly (I already drink quite a bit of water).
“But, Ash. What happens after 30 days?” I know. And the answer is: I don’t know. The premise behind the program is to eliminate the problematic food groups and remain conscious of the positive changes in the body. At the end of 30 days, I will reintroduce these foods into my diet and see where the digestive issues occur. This will help me shape the lifestyle health plan tailored to my body, so it will be sustainable. I am hoping the changes will be profound.
“What about exercise?” Yeah. I know that too. Part of looking at my health includes scheduling time for the gym and getting outside more.
I will be posting on my Instagram account @klaasseafit and blogging, thepacificpoet.wordpress.com
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Here we go.